When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2020, I followed the care plan that was created with my primary care physician, breast surgeon and oncologist.
That included four surgeries, 16 rounds of chemotherapy and 25 rounds of radiation. All along the way, I was told what to do, where to go and when to be there. When my active treatment ended in October of that year, I looked in the mirror and thought, “Now what?”
Breast cancer not only changed me physically, but it also changed me emotionally.
I opted not to have reconstruction surgery after my mastectomy and chose to stay flat. It is a visible change that I am still learning to manage. The maintenance medications I take have pain-inducing side effects. I try to hide it when I walk to avoid questions.
Related: San Antonio breast cancer survivors bare their bodies, mastectomy scars and all
When you are finished with active treatment, the general census is “you are done, you are good now,” and that’s far from the truth.
No one tells you how to manage survivorship. In-person support groups were not taking place because of the pandemic. I turned to social media to find groups of women who were affected by breast cancer. Some of these women were not just surviving, they were thriving.
It was hard facing a new future without a guidebook, and online communities helped me heal emotionally. In addition, they helped me change my mindset from cancer happening to me to cancer happening for me.
When you are confronted with a cancer diagnosis, it makes you realize how precious time is.
For me, survivorship means living my best life and being intentional. I no longer wait for the perfect time to do the things I want. I make time to do them now. When I’m gathered with friends or family, I not only take photos but make sure I’m in them. I want to anchor myself in things that are true, good and beautiful. I prioritize joy. I don’t want to waste time not living life 100 percent true to myself.
I didn’t reinvent myself, but I shed things that were not adding value to my life. I try not to have bad days and try to contain them to moments. I will allow myself to be upset or angry for a moment in time but then move on from it. I don’t waste time holding grudges.
I learned that helping others provides a sense of purpose and belonging. I became an ambassador with For the Breast of Us, an organization created to empower women of color affected by breast cancer through education, advocacy and community. Answering questions and providing information to women who are newly diagnosed or contemplating aesthetic flat closure boosts my energy.
I won’t say cancer is a blessing, but it’s definitely connected me with amazing people and has opened my eyes to living life.
Veronica S. Laurel lives in San Antonio and has worked in health care communications for more than two decades.
